I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
