Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
