I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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