i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found puke in my bra..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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