I can text with my tongue
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
