we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
