remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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