im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
