I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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