She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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