The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
