DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
