Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize