If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
