She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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