My liver just broke up with me...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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