Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
