Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
