Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
