Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
