you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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