For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
