We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
