I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
