You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
