Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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