I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
