Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
