Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just google imaged poop.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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