I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
