Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
