i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
