I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
