I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
