Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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