Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
