I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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