Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
