Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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