Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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