no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
