Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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