i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
