new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize