just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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