Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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