glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
