the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
