"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
