i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
