I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
