Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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