I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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