I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
