My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
