She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
