Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
