this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize