is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
