you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
