I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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