hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
