last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
