She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
