i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
not ubering you a puppy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
