just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
