3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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